I’m married to a pastor which means that life is a little different from some people’s. However, marriage for a pastor and his wife isn’t different because at the core it still involves a sinful man and a sinful woman. We struggle with many of the same things other couples do. You see, I’m first married to a man not a pastor. So, when I received this question by email from a reader and also a fellow minister’s wife, I realized her question applied to nearly all of us old married folks, and I thought you might benefit from our interaction with one another.
As far as encouraging your husband when you know it’s getting to him. Be a student of your husband. What encourages me doesn’t encourage my husband. I tend to try to encourage him in the ways that I want to be encouraged and though it’s meant well, it doesn’t really do the trick. If you & your husband haven’t been through Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages you should. Really learn how you can love your husband in a way that he receives it. As a minister’s wife, my goal has always been to provide a safe, encouraging environment for my husband to come home to. Over the course of 14 years, I’ve learned that in order for him to receive it that way, I have to be super-intentional. For my husband, it is physical affection and words of affirmation. I have to make an intentional point to try to verbally be his biggest cheerleader and to constantly be touching, hugging, and meeting his physical needs. He can deal with a lot outside our home when his needs are met inside our home.