I’ve been praying for a while about really specific things that God wants from my life. #2 on my list is Letting Go of Control. That sounds fun, huh? I don’t want that to be on the list. But I felt like God put it on my list! Ouch!
So, just when I think I’ve let go of control, God shines His light on another area of my life. God shows me another area where my flesh is grasping tight and my behavior becomes manipulative to have others conform to my way.
What’s wrong with me? Why in the world would I even want that? Why would I want my way over God’s way? One word. CONTROL.
Over the past few months (let’s be honest, it feel feels like years), we have been potty training Kie. It has been hard. Its been tiring and I’ve felt defeated on many a day. So, like any good Pastor’s wife, women’s minister and Christian girl, I’ve prayed, and I’ve asked others to pray. I’ve shared with my Bible Study class the frustrations and I’ve coveted their prayers.
As I was reading the first chapter of Jennie Allen’s new book Anything, God spoke to me. Am I praying to God about potty training really believing? Or do I treat God like He’s one of Kie’s favorite plastic toys?
Right now the favorite toy is Diego. He pretends that Diego is a super hero. I love to hear Kie play with Diego because I see parts of his blooming personality. I hear him give Diego sound effects and I watch as Diego flies around the room or drives Strawberry Shortcake’s car. (Kati Ann loves that :/)
Kie pretends Diego is real. He gives him words and personality. But even Kie knows that Diego can’t fix his dinner or drive him to school. Kie understands the limitations of Diego.
Too often I treat God like Diego. I put limitations on God that are usually based on my own limitations. Diego can only talk if Kie “gives” him words. He only flies if Kie uses his little arm to “zoom” him around. And I treat God as if He isn’t capable of any more than I allow Him–any more than my own abilities.
I either believe He is absolutely able or I don’t. He’s not like Diego. God’s power doesn’t come from me! Quite the opposite. God’s power is initiated by God. Duh, right?
Well, why do I live like God needs me to “unlock” His power? God doesn’t need me to potty train Kie. God doesn’t need me to draw Kati Ann’s heart to Him. God doesn’t need me to lead women to trust Him more.
It is by His grace, His own initiation that He chooses to use me but He certainly doesn’t need me. So if I fail, if Jared fails, if we don’t get it quite right, it’s okay. I’m the one with limitations. I’m the one that needs. God’s there, He can handle it.
I’m guilty of wanting control. I get frustrated, anxious and worried when it doesn’t go just like I think it should.
Moment by moment, breath by breath, I need Him! I need God’s power. I am weary of trying to control it all. It doesn’t honor Him. It doesn’t make Him famous. It only shines light on my strengths and more often my weaknesses!
Here’s a sweet promise in Scripture. My heart needs it. I need to know that my faithful God can handle it! He is in control!
Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God[a];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
What about you, what are you holding on to? What control belongs to God that you need to loosen your grip on? Is God real or just a plastic toy you try to control?